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Depression After an Abortion

By: Ian Murnaghan BSc (hons), MSc - Updated: 28 Sep 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Depression Abortion Doctor Alone Risk

Making the decision to have an abortion can be difficult for some women while others find it a very clear and obvious choice for their specific situation. Yet, it is difficult to predict just how a woman will react to an abortion.

Even if she initially felt secure in her choice, she can still experience feelings of depression after an abortion. A smaller number of women will ultimately experience clinical depression, although within the medical community, abortion is not generally considered a cause of depression. However, this is a debated aspect of both abortion and depression.

Understanding Feelings After an Abortion

While some women report that they feel relieved after an abortion, others will struggle with sadness, guilt, anger, shame and regret. There are some circumstances that could predispose a woman to feelings of distress and depression after an abortion, although there is no clear way to predict how each woman will experience and handle her abortion.

With a woman's hormones rapidly changing back to her pre-pregnancy state, she may find that this chemical change makes her more prone to sadness. In this instance, the feelings of depression will tend to eventually pass, particularly as her hormones begin to stabilise after the abortion.

Some women who are very sensitive to the media may experience feelings of depression because they are told that they are 'evil' or 'wrong' for having the abortion. Unfortunately, this is a very real effect that can occur due to anti-abortion activists. Women who were pressured to have the abortion are also more likely to experience feelings of depression after the abortion. They will feel particularly bad because they did not want the abortion at all and they may experience heightened feelings of sadness.

Your Support Network

Women who have a weak support network or perhaps none at all are more likely to experience feelings of depression after an abortion. They may feel alone, isolated and afraid as they experience feelings they are unfamiliar with after the abortion. Women who have busy, stressful lives may also find that they experience great sadness and distress after the abortion. It is important for a woman to allow herself time to heal, physically and emotionally, which may mean taking some time off from school or work.

What is Normal?

While it is normal to feel emotional and experience some of the symptoms of depression – such as sadness – after an abortion, most women will recover. However, a small number of women will find that these feelings are sustained or they become more pronounced. These women may go on to develop clinical depression.

If you find that your feelings are so overwhelming that you can't seem to cope, particularly when a great deal of time has passed since your abortion, you should make an appointment to see a medical professional. You may find that counselling is helpful or your doctor may also want to put you on a short course of antidepressant therapy.

If you have previously suffered from depression, you will be at a higher risk of suffering from depression after an abortion. It will be important to take additional measures to obtain counselling and support from friends or family.

Taking Care of Yourself

For most women, giving yourself permission to experience and express sadness and other feelings after your abortion can help you to heal. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Instead, respect and accept that you made the best decision you could under the circumstances. It is important for you to have faith that you are a good person who made a very difficult decision.

Some women also find that writing their feelings in a journal can be helpful, particularly if they don't feel comfortable speaking to someone about the experience. Sometimes, just reading about the experiences of other women who have been through an abortion can validate a woman's own feelings of depression and anxiety. It can also help you to feel less alone when you know that other women have experienced similar feelings after an abortion.

Finding Additional Help

Ultimately, you need to take time out to heal but try to stay aware of your feelings. With some self-care and support, most women can move past their abortion and look forward to a positive future. Here are some suggestions for where to seek help and support:

You could also try an Internet search for local post abortion support groups and forums, or bereavement support forums in your area. Citizens' Advice or your local council may also be able to direct you to groups like these.

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After 8 years by myself after an emotionally exhausting relationship I eventually reconnected with the love of my life that I had met along the way two and a half years ago! The relationship was perfect for 7 months but we live at opposite ends of the country and when I would pack to leave after our time together he would become withdrawn which started to put a lot of pressure on us both! He suddenly out of the blue decided to end the relationship with a little push from his overbearing sister when she and he both realised I wasn’t going to drop my career to run to his side when I wasn’t getting much emotionally back or the answers to why he felt it better we settle where he lives rather than where I do. As the highest earner of us both and as we are both 35 and wanting children I told him I was willing to move anywhere that still allowed me to travel to work as his job is easily transferable and it would be me that would need to go part time if we had children. We have been back and forth with this for a long time and in the meantime he has admitted he is suffering with depression (he has been to war and lost his mum to cancer) and is getting councilling and taking anti depressants! Everyone around me has told me to move on and I’ve wanted to so much myself as I deserve to be happy but I still Love him and find it hard to just switch that off still checking that he’s doing ok but not getting any support back! In order to try and move on I had a one night stand with an old school friend as I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep with anyone new and having took myself off my pill after the breakdown of my relationship I fell pregnant even after taking the morning after pill! I instantly felt violated by the pregnancy and although I hate to admit it I could not wait to have the abortion!! 3 months on I’m getting older and desperately want a family unit with a man who wants to be there for me and any children we may have! I’m scared now I’ll never have them and will live to regret my decision despite knowing I made the right choice for myself and a baby I would not have been able to care for alone!
Dsmit - 28-Sep-18 @ 7:23 PM
After 8 years by myself after an emotionally exhausting relationship I eventually reconnected with the love of my life that I had met along the way two and a half years ago! The relationship was perfect for 7 months but we live at opposite ends of the country and when I would pack to leave after our time together he would become withdrawn which started to put a lot of pressure on us both! He suddenly out of the blue decided to end the relationship with a little push from his overbearing sister when she and he both realised I wasn’t going to drop my career to run to his side when I wasn’t getting much emotionally back or the answers to why he felt it better we settle where he lives rather than where I do. As the highest earner of us both and as we are both 35 and wanting children I told him I was willing to move anywhere that still allowed me to travel to work as his job is easily transferable and it would be me that would need to go part time if we had children. We have been back and forth with this for a long time and in the meantime he has admitted he is suffering with depression (he has been to war and lost his mum to cancer) and is getting councilling and taking anti depressants! Everyone around me has told me to move on and I’ve wanted to so much myself as I deserve to be happy but I still Love him and find it hard to just switch that off still checking that he’s doing ok but not getting any support back! In order to try and move on I had a one night stand with an old school friend as I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep with anyone new and having took myself off my pill after the breakdown of my relationship I fell pregnant even after taking the morning after pill! I instantly felt violated by the pregnancy and although I hate to admit it I could not wait to have the abortion!! 3 months on I’m getting older and desperately want a family unit with a man who wants to be there for me and any children we may have! I’m scared now I’ll never have them and will live to regret my decision despite knowing I made the right choice for myself and a baby I would not have been able to care for alone!
Dsmit - 28-Sep-18 @ 7:09 PM
I had an abortion a few months ago. June of this year to be exact. I felt it was the right thing to do because me and my boyfriend of 8 months at the time weren’t financially ready for a child. I just started a new job in Feb and got pregnant a month after. It was the wrong timing. He wasn’t supporting me at all during the pregnancy but yet he claimed to had wanted the baby. It was plenty times he knew I hadn’t eaten and wouldn’t offer to buy me anything. He knew I was having cravings and wouldn’t offer to satisfy them. He knew I had horrible morning sickness and didn’t offer to do anything for me. The way he treated me I knew I wouldn’t been alone in raising my child. Also, we even had conversations about agreeing to having an abortion and that he would be there. Next thing you know, once I get the procedure done he completely dropped me. Stopped speaking to me altogether. The two times I ever needed him he neglected me. The fact that he wasn’t trying to prepare for the baby or support me or better himself, his overall actions pushed me to get it done. He doesn’t care what I’m going through and how this has impacted me. I am now on sleeping pills and talking to a therapist. When I can I always try to avoid pregnant people and small babies. Most times I rather be in my own company than to be in others. I absolutely hate that he didn’t try harder to get me to keep our baby. I’m mad at myself for putting myself in that situation. I’m mad for not using precautionary measures. I’m mad at him for not stepping up to the plate and not being there for me during the pregnancy. I’m mad at him for saying that he was gonna be there for me if I decided to get an abortion. I’m mad at him for agreeing to getting an abortion then turning his back on me. I’m just angry and bitter and I feel like it’s consuming me. I’m angry with his mother and him for judging me for the same thing she has done. I pray to God that I can accept my decision and that He forgives me.
NYC93 - 19-Sep-18 @ 8:25 PM
Swte- Your Question:
I had a medical abortion at 8 weeks in April. I was one minute okay afterwards then down the next , but now August.( Especially finding out my friend is pregnant and keeping it , ) I feel even worse. It haunts me everyday. And especially seeing it as well when it was 8 weeks. I feel so rubbish about myself. Self harm has entered my mind a few times , how I would cope. I can’t enjoy things , my anxiety is high and suffering bad from reflux. I’m stressing over where my period is because I was put on the injection straight after. I just can’t deal with things at the minute

Our Response:
Please seek further help, don't try to cope with this alone. The resources in the above article under the section entitled "Finding Additional Help" are a really good place to start.
OvercomeDepression - 13-Aug-18 @ 12:46 PM
I had a medical abortion at 8 weeks in April.I was one minute okay afterwards then down the next , but now August .( Especially finding out my friend is pregnant and keeping it , ) I feel even worse . It haunts me everyday . And especially seeing it as well when it was 8 weeks . I feel so rubbish about myself. Self harm has entered my mind a few times , how I would cope. I can’t enjoy things , my anxiety is high and suffering bad from reflux . I’m stressing over where my period is because I was put on the injection straight after . I just can’t deal with things at the minute
Swte - 12-Aug-18 @ 8:52 PM
I had an abortion 7 months ago, it was the right thing to do. I had only been with my boyfriend for 3 months, we both live at home with our parents and I was only 22. Unfortunately my bestfriend had a baby 2 days before i found out i was pregnant, I always knew what I would do if I got pregnant. I didn't realise just how hard it would be. I avoid my bestfriend for months, and I would do my upmost not to see her and the baby. Then at christmas just over a month after the abortion, my boyfriends stepmum told us she was pregnant. This was hard and still is, she is having the baby any day now and I would have been due next month. Only 2 weeks ago did I realise that I was avoiding my friend and her baby because i still haven't accepted what happened. I thought i was getting over it, but it just feels like it's getting worse the more i see babies and try to get on with it. It feels as though this is what may end up ruining my relationship, he has moved on and I just feel worse everyday.
CoralReef - 26-Jun-18 @ 2:47 PM
I'm 17 and had a surgical abortion last Tuesday(15th May 2018) at 12 weeks pregnanto. Ithe was completely unplanned so I obviously wanted an abortion and wasn't forced into it at all. I did it because it was the right and responsible thing to do - I'm still in full time education with no job so it simply wouldn't have been fair on me or the baby if I had it... yet I now feel so, so sad about it, but can't place why? I know I did the right thing and it's not like I wanted a baby in the first place. But now, after the abortion I find myself too sensitive to discuss anything to do with babies / pregnancy. I get so deeply upset at seeing babies and just feel a sense of yearning, and find myself crying so much of the time and just feeling so empty. I just wondered if anyone else was the same? Cause the only people I know to be this distressed afterwards really people who wanted the baby in the first place. And if so, how long does this feeling last? Is it just my hormones or do I need help? :/
Blossom - 24-May-18 @ 1:46 AM
August 2017 I had my abortion it now arch 2018 I’ve hidden the way I felt and everything that happened when I found out me and my long time partner had been going though some issues we had recently broke up, I found out I was pregnant and all I did was cry that night it was all we ever planned for 4 years trying and then it happens when I don’t know what we are and weather we’ll make it through I talk to my mum and dad worsted thing I did I blame them and my self they told me you can’t be another since mum to 2 children with different dads me mum made the appointment and dad took me I didn’t have time to think or take it all in I regret every day telling them. My baby would be 7 months old in my belly now and the closer it gets the worse I fell I hate seeing people pregnant I wish that was me. I fell like if I didn’t tell me mum and didn’t tell no one things would have been different my daughter would have a brother or sister arriving and we be happy all I’ve done is regret and regret everytime I miss a period I’m hopping I am pregnant but when I come on I say I’ll never ever be a mum who deserves a baby after killing them I put my self down constantly, I’ve made and appointment with my doctor today but I’m scared to even go what if he blames me like I blame me, I don’t wanna tell my partner cause he don’t no me mum and dad made this appointment. My job is a support worker if I can’t support my self how can I support people who really need it.
Hello - 27-Mar-18 @ 9:25 AM
I had a surgical abortion on the 14th of Feb, I was 11 weeks pregnant. My partner forced me to have it because he said we needed time to reconnect as we had been separated for almost a year and had just gotten back together. At the time I felt bad that this mistake had happened and I would force him to be a father when he wasn't ready. I was also having terrible morning sickness and couldn't eat and had lost over 10 KGS in 3 weeks. After the procedure I felt so empty and had an overwhelming sense of regret. I cry almost everyday for my baby and I wish I had given myself time to really think about it because I'm sure I would have made a different decision. No one should ever have to go through that because the pain lives with you forever.
Mrs Cee - 27-Feb-18 @ 6:42 AM
Zzz - Your Question:
I had an abortion 5 years ago, I was in my last year of school, the second person I ya ever slept with, and the first and last person I slept with that wasn’t my boyfriend, I don’t think I ever came to term with the fact I had an abortion. I buried my feelings, never allowed myself to think About it,I purposely and consciously tried to supress my feelings, thinking it would make it disappear, as it had never happened.5 years later, Im now starting to realise that since having my abortion I’ve been alone.I’ve never told anyone, not family, not friends and let alone the what would’ve been the father of my child. I don’t regret not telling anyone, I feel ashamed, it’s not something I everthaought I would have to do. But at the same time I don’t feel guilty. I regret the situation I put my self in, it angers me the fact that I got myself pregnant. But I do not regret having an abortion. However, in the last couple of months I started remembering what appended, I started to try to think about it, when, how it was, just get some of my repressed memories back, hoping that it will help me come to terms with it, and let people in again. I’ve been single ever since my abortion, no boyfriends, no flings, no sex.I think it’s partly because of the fear of getting pregnant again, but mainly because I’m worried that I might start liking someone, and at one point I will have to tell him my little secret that I kept for so long, and he will be disappointed, or don’t know how to react, or in some way leave me because of it, which I think would break me.

Our Response:
Hi there, we responded to this when you first posted below...have you seen it?
OvercomeDepression - 19-Feb-18 @ 2:43 PM
I had an abortion 5 years ago, I was in my last year of school, the second person I ya ever slept with, and the first and last person I slept with that wasn’t my boyfriend, I don’t think I ever came to term with the fact I had an abortion. I buried my feelings, never allowed myself to think About it,I purposely and consciously tried to supressmy feelings, thinking it would make it disappear, as it had never happened. 5 years later, Im now starting to realise that since having my abortion I’ve been alone. I’ve never told anyone, not family, not friends and let alone the what would’ve been the father of my child. I don’t regret not telling anyone, I feel ashamed, it’s not something I everthaought I would have to do. But at the same time I don’t feel guilty. I regret the situation I put my self in, it angers me the fact that I got myself pregnant. But I do not regret having an abortion. However, in the last couple of months I started remembering what appended, I started to try to think about it, when, how it was, just get some of my repressed memories back, hoping that it will help me come to terms with it, and let people in again. I’ve been single ever since my abortion, no boyfriends, no flings, no sex. I think it’s partly because of the fear of getting pregnant again, but mainly because I’m worried that i might start liking someone, and at one point i will have to tell him my little secret that i kept for so long, and he will be disappointed, or don’t know how to react, or in some way leave me because of it, which I think would break me.
Zzz - 19-Feb-18 @ 1:09 PM
Zzz - Your Question:
I had an abortion 5 years ago, I was in my last year of school, the second person I ya ever slept with, and the first and last person I slept with that wasn’t my boyfriend, I don’t think I ever came to term with the fact I had an abortion. I buried my feelings, never allowed myself to think About it,I purposely and consciously tried to supress my feelings, thinking it would make it disappear, as it had never happened.5 years later, Im now starting to realise that since having my abortion I’ve been alone.I’ve never told anyone, not family, not friends and let alone the what would’ve been the father of my child. I don’t regret not telling anyone, I feel ashamed, it’s not something I everthaought I would have to do. But at the same time I don’t feel guilty. I regret the situation I put my self in, it angers me the fact that I got myself pregnant. But I do not regret having an abortion. However, in the last couple of months I started remembering what appended, I started to try to think about it, when, how it was, just get some of my repressed memories back, hoping that it will help me come to terms with it, and let people in again. I’ve been single ever since my abortion, no boyfriends, no flings, no sex.I think it’s partly because of the fear of getting pregnant again, but mainly because I’m worried that I might start liking someone, and at one point I will have to tell him my little secret that I kept for so long, and he will be disappointed, or don’t know how to react, or in some way leave me because of it, which I think would break me.

Our Response:
Perhaps talking to an unbiased person like acounsellor would help? You've made a really good first step by writing your feelings down here and acknowledging your issues with relationships. Ask your GP or so an internet search for organisations near you that might be able to help.
OvercomeDepression - 9-Feb-18 @ 3:16 PM
I had an abortion 5 years ago, I was in my last year of school, the second person I ya ever slept with, and the first and last person I slept with that wasn’t my boyfriend, I don’t think I ever came to term with the fact I had an abortion. I buried my feelings, never allowed myself to think About it,I purposely and consciously tried to supressmy feelings, thinking it would make it disappear, as it had never happened. 5 years later, Im now starting to realise that since having my abortion I’ve been alone. I’ve never told anyone, not family, not friends and let alone the what would’ve been the father of my child. I don’t regret not telling anyone, I feel ashamed, it’s not something I everthaought I would have to do. But at the same time I don’t feel guilty. I regret the situation I put my self in, it angers me the fact that I got myself pregnant. But I do not regret having an abortion. However, in the last couple of months I started remembering what appended, I started to try to think about it, when, how it was, just get some of my repressed memories back, hoping that it will help me come to terms with it, and let people in again. I’ve been single ever since my abortion, no boyfriends, no flings, no sex. I think it’s partly because of the fear of getting pregnant again, but mainly because I’m worried that i might start liking someone, and at one point i will have to tell him my little secret that i kept for so long, and he will be disappointed, or don’t know how to react, or in some way leave me because of it, which I think would break me.
Zzz - 9-Feb-18 @ 1:23 AM
Dolo - Your Question:
Hi I’m 16 weeks pregnant , I’ve been dating this guy for 6 months now and we both have another kid. I’m so torn because if I keep the baby I’m going to lose the person I love , he pushes me everyday to get an abortion I’m so scared to tell him I don’t want it , I just feel so attached to the baby. Every day is just a hard and emotional day. I cry everyday til it’s no more tears left. He told me if l keep it , I will be doing it alone. I just don’t know what to do

Our Response:
We can't tell you which option to choose, but one thing we can say is do not be forced into something you are not happy with/you wouldn't choose through choice. See if you can talk to someone who is neutral such as a counsellor etc. Your GP might be able to help.
OvercomeDepression - 19-Jan-18 @ 3:19 PM
Hi I’m 16 weeks pregnant , I’ve been dating this guy for 6 months now and we both have another kid . I’m so torn because if i keep the baby I’m going to lose the person I love , he pushes me everyday to get an abortion I’m so scared to tell him i don’t want it , i just feel so attached to the baby . Every day is just a hard and emotional day . I cry everyday til it’s no more tears left . He told me if l keep it , i will be doing it alone . I just don’t know what to do
Dolo - 19-Jan-18 @ 4:52 AM
I had an abortion 1 year 7 months and 17days back. And it haunts me everyday. I still hear the tiny heartbeats over my sonography and can't breathe after that. The decision seemed so sudden back then. More out of fear than anything else and now I'm just ashamed. Because I had initially felt relieved. Even today I can't look at a toddler or touch it because I feel tainted. I keep thinking, who was I to decide on who's to live and who's to die. The regret can never go. The pain will never leave. Worst was when my fiance wanted to just break up and said we aren't the only two people who've been through this. You'll cope eventually. I'm just struggling with reality and myself. I can never be my whole Self anymore. Part of me, that day died with that child. A hollowness has settled in and it won't leave. I'm just scared all the time over what destiny has in store for me for doing this monstrous deed.
Maggie - 17-Jan-18 @ 9:12 AM
miny - Your Question:
I had an abortion forced by my family I was under pressure and young back then its 8 years on and can't forget the terrible thing I have done! I feel like I should just leave this world in silence I don't have a good family unite to help through this I regret everything I did im struggling I don't feel like I belong anywhere people don't understand how im feeling I feel like I wont have children one day because is punishing me for what I did in the past im only 27 mental feel 70 years old I don't know what to do about this it took me 8 years to finally admit I need help but I have no idea how to move on from this

Our Response:
You can't carry on punishing yourself and you've done the absolutely the right thing by admitting to yourself that you need help and writing this. Our article above has some practical resources and suggestions for where you can't start taking the first tentative steps, so keep on going, talk, seek counselling, support etc. Try not to limit yourself to just one help resource and investigate other ideas if you don't feel one is right for you.
OvercomeDepression - 5-Jan-18 @ 2:25 PM
I had an abortion forced by my family i was under pressure and young back then its 8 years on and can't forget the terrible thing i have done! I feel like i should just leave this world in silence i don't have a good family unite to help through this i regret everything i did im struggling i don't feel like i belong anywhere people don't understand how im feeling i feel like i wont have children one day because is punishing me for what i did in the past im only 27 mental feel 70 years old i don't know what to do about this it took me 8 yearsto finally admit i need help but i have no idea how to move on from this
miny - 3-Jan-18 @ 12:21 PM
MD - Your Question:
It is a year tomorrow since I went for my surgical termination, I was 9 weeks pregnant, the worst part about it all for me was being put to sleep pregnant and waking up and my baby had gone. I woke up in a room on my own, I wasn't allowed my mum or partner to come in they said I had to wait. I was left by myself for around half an hour with no one which made me think, have I done the right thing? I regret my choice every day from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. Sometimes I get angry with myself because I didn't give that baby a chance at life. These feeling then go on to regret and really deep sadness to the point I want to hurt myself to take the pain away, sometimes I just feel like I can't cope and I get suicidle thought rushing through my head because I just feel that I can't live with the pain. There is deffinetly a part of my heart missing now after what I have done. please help me!!x

Our Response:
We have updated our article above with some support resources and ideas for seeking additional help. Please do try and take steps to use support groups or counselling and take care of yourself.
OvercomeDepression - 22-Nov-17 @ 12:51 PM
It is a year tomorrow since I went for my surgical termination, I was 9 weeks pregnant, the worst part about it all for me was being put to sleep pregnant and waking up and my baby had gone. I woke up in a room on my own, I wasn't allowed my mum or partner to come in they said I had to wait. I was left by myself for around half an hour with no one which made me think, have I done the right thing? I regret my choice every day from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. Sometimes I get angry with myself because I didn't give that baby a chance at life. These feeling then go on to regret and really deep sadness to the point I want to hurt myself to take the pain away, sometimes I just feel like I can't cope and i get suicidle thought rushing through my head because I just feel that I can't live with the pain. There is deffinetly a part of my heart missing now after what I have done. please help me!!x
MD - 18-Nov-17 @ 8:07 AM
ED - Your Question:
I've just turned 25 and I've had 2 abortions. I also have a son who is 3. And is the most amazing person in my life. Without him I wouldn't see another day of light.Buy twice I have given up a child. Because of who I was with because he never felt it was right, because we already had a son and because he never believed one of them was his. The most ridiculous excuses I'd ever heard. But because I loved him. I did it. I lost our other 2 children because I loved the father who made them.Sounds ridiculous right?He pressured.me, made me feel like it was the only option. Then when the first was done. I cried until there was no other tear left to cry. My baby had hands, eyes, a body. Although I was the mother to a now 11 mother old. I felt like no mother at all. I felt the most disgusting human being on the earth. I would never forgive myself. I never will. But I have to deal with it. Then I fell pregnant for the 3rd time. This time he never believed it was his? Some excuse? I don't know? But because I loved him, and had been for the past 6 years, it was the same answer as before. "we can't keep it"For about a month I stood up for myself. I told him no, I'm not doing that again. A month. A month that lasted. I was about 16 weeks when I gave birth to my boy. It was a boy. I never named him. Just like the first.I thought it might hurt me even more. But Judy's because they don't have names, doesn't mean I don't love them. I think about them every single day of my ongoing life. I think about the life I took from them. Because I didn't feel that both parents wanted them. Every single second, minute, hour, day, week, month and year I remember them. I think about them. Both. And how much my son would of loved 2 other siblings. He's now 3. And the only person on this earth who keeps me going. Please.if there's other mums, girls, anybody. Talk to me. Leave a message. X

Our Response:
Thank you for sharing this. If anybody does want to talk to ED we can pass on contact emails privately.
OvercomeDepression - 14-Nov-17 @ 12:31 PM
I've just turned 25 and I've had 2 abortions. I also have a son who is 3. And is the most amazing person in my life. Without him I wouldn't see another day of light. Buy twice I have given up a child. Because of who I was withbecause he never felt it was right, because we already had a son and because he never believed one of them was his. The most ridiculous excuses I'd ever heard... But because I loved him... I did it. I lost our other 2 children because I loved the father who made them. Sounds ridiculous right? He pressured...me, made me feel like it was the only option. Then when the first was done.... I cried until there was no other tear left to cry. My baby had hands, eyes, a body. Although I was the mother to a now 11 mother old.. I felt like no mother at all. I felt the most disgusting human being on the earth. I would never forgive myself... I never will. But I have to deal with it. Then I fell pregnant for the 3rd time. This time he never believed it was his? Some excuse? I don't know? But because I loved him, and had been for the past 6 years, it was the same answer as before... "we can't keep it" For about a month I stood up for myself... I told him no, I'm not doing that again. A month. A month that lasted. I was about 16 weeks when I gave birth to my boy. It was a boy. I never named him. Just like the first. I thought it might hurt me even more. But Judy's because they don't have names, doesn't mean I don't love them. I think about them every single day of my ongoing life. I think about the life I took from them. Because I didn't feel that both parents wanted them. Every single second, minute, hour, day, week, month and year I remember them. I think about them. Both. And how much my son would of loved 2 other siblings. He's now 3. And the only person on this earth who keeps me going. Please....if there's other mums, girls, anybody... Talk to me... Leave a message. X
ED - 12-Nov-17 @ 10:19 PM
I had medical abortion a Week ago today. Feeling very emotional ?? and anxious ?? got to go back to Hospital in 3 days for ultrasound make sure everything came away. So scary right now
Laura - 17-Oct-17 @ 9:24 PM
Hi, I had an abortion at 13 weeks and it was fifteen weeks ago I thought it was my only decision and it's the biggest regret of my life, I find each day hard and not a day goes by when I don't think about it, I didn't speak to anyone only my boyfriend who didn't really say much I have not told family or friends and I feel so alone, I wish I had read forums like his before I did it and maybe I wouldn't have made the worst decision in my life, I am so glad I am not alone and these forums really help me a lot.
Rosey - 12-Oct-17 @ 11:00 PM
J - Your Question:
I didn't have an abortion yet but I'm going soon. I just found out that I'm pregnant with my boyfriend of 7 months he really wants this but our lives are no where together I struggle to pay my bills & eat I don't want to bring an innocent child & have them struggle I'm so torn on what to do. I'm so emotional because I love my boyfriend & id love to have his baby but I don't want to struggle

Our Response:
Try and talk to people who've been on both sides. If you can find people who've had a baby while struggling financially, to talk to, you can make notes about the pros and cons (both practical and emotional). Find someone who's aborted a baby for the same reasons (the abortion clinic may be able to help put someone in touch with you here) and see how they managed etc.
OvercomeDepression - 25-Sep-17 @ 10:42 AM
I didn't have an abortion yet but I'm going soon. I just found out that I'm pregnant with my boyfriend of 7 months he really wants this but our lives are no where together I struggle to pay my bills & eat I don't want to bring an innocent child & have them struggle I'm so torn on what to do. I'm so emotional because I love my boyfriend & id love to have his baby but I don't want to struggle
J - 22-Sep-17 @ 12:18 AM
I had a medical abortion in March 2017 at 20 weeks pregnancy due to genetic issues in the foetus. My first child (10 yrs old now) has the same problems and I felt unable to cope with the demands of the illness for a second time. The baby was unplanned and my partner was of the opinion that one child is quite enough. However i was unsure enough to prolong it till 20 weeks and then was forced to make a decision which I have since regretted every single day. The feeling of loss and loneliness has only grown with time especially since I found out in June that my partner had started chatting with another woman for around 6 months and they had gotten very close in their chats. This was not easy for me to accept but I decided to stay with him for sake of our child. He has promised never to repeat this mistake however I am unable to move ahead and feel that I might be slipping into depression. I miss the baby soo much and feel that I should have fought more to keep it as I was the only voice it had in this world.
Not Fine - 15-Sep-17 @ 5:21 PM
:-( - Your Question:
I had a surgical abortion 10 weeks ago I would of been 16 weeks pregnant this week. I am heartbroken at what we did and regret it every day! My partner already has 2 young children who were not planned as a couple. We both come from broken families and agreed that we wouldn't want to bring another child up cimular to oyr upbringings and the 2 younger children plus our house is the size of a shoe box and only just manages the 4 of us every other weekend! I really regret our decision to abort the pregnancy and I think about what if every day. I think that's why I'm counting the weeks I should be 16 weeks pregnant and excited not 10 weeks after abortion and feeling like why am I still here! The abortion was awful never felt so alone my partner couldn't be with me at any step of the way during the procedure. Not like an operation at hospital were there is someone waiting for you when you get back to the ward. I can not describe how low the clinic makes you feel about something that happens all the time! As they do put the statistics on the leaflets.Will I ever stop hating myself for doing this?? Because I can not move on and think about what happend every day. Would things be different if I was 16 weeks pregnant like I should be?

Our Response:
It's perfectly natural to feel the way you do, please take time to talk to someone about your experience. Look into the resources in the article and in responses to comments below to help you move forward.
OvercomeDepression - 15-Sep-17 @ 11:56 AM
I had a surgical abortion 10 weeks ago I would of been 16 weeks pregnant this week. I am heartbroken at what we did and regret it every day! My partner already has 2 young children who were not planned as a couple. We both come from broken families and agreed that we wouldn't want to bring another child up cimular to oyr upbringings and the 2 younger children plus our house is the size of a shoe box and only just manages the 4 of us every other weekend! I really regret our decision to abort the pregnancy and I think about what if every day. I think that's why I'm counting the weeks I should be 16 weeks pregnant and excited not 10 weeks after abortion and feeling like why am I still here! The abortion was awful never felt so alone my partner couldn't be with me at any step of the way during the procedure. Not like an operation at hospital were there is someone waiting for you when you get back to the ward. I can not describe how low the clinic makes you feel about something that happens all the time! As they do put the statistics on the leaflets. Will I ever stop hating myself for doing this?? Because I can not move on and think about what happend every day. Would things be different if I was 16 weeks pregnant like I should be?
:-( - 13-Sep-17 @ 8:35 PM
Jess - Your Question:
I had an abortion 6 years ago and it didnt bother me at first im now 28 years old with no children and I feel I ruined my only chance at having a child everyday I think about it and im so depressed

Our Response:
Do see a GP who will advise you on your ability to conceive and explain what your options are.
OvercomeDepression - 4-Sep-17 @ 12:17 PM
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