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Depression After an Abortion

By: Ian Murnaghan BSc (hons), MSc - Updated: 21 Feb 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Depression Abortion Doctor Alone Risk

Making the decision to have an abortion can be difficult for some women while others find it a very clear and obvious choice for their specific situation. Yet, it is difficult to predict just how a woman will react to an abortion.

Even if she initially felt secure in her choice, she can still experience feelings of depression after an abortion. A smaller number of women will ultimately experience clinical depression, although within the medical community, abortion is not generally considered a cause of depression. However, this is a debated aspect of both abortion and depression.

Understanding Feelings After an Abortion

While some women report that they feel relieved after an abortion, others will struggle with sadness, guilt, anger, shame and regret. There are some circumstances that could predispose a woman to feelings of distress and depression after an abortion, although there is no clear way to predict how each woman will experience and handle her abortion.

With a woman's hormones rapidly changing back to her pre-pregnancy state, she may find that this chemical change makes her more prone to sadness. In this instance, the feelings of depression will tend to eventually pass, particularly as her hormones begin to stabilise after the abortion.

Some women who are very sensitive to the media may experience feelings of depression because they are told that they are 'evil' or 'wrong' for having the abortion. Unfortunately, this is a very real effect that can occur due to anti-abortion activists. Women who were pressured to have the abortion are also more likely to experience feelings of depression after the abortion. They will feel particularly bad because they did not want the abortion at all and they may experience heightened feelings of sadness.

Your Support Network

Women who have a weak support network or perhaps none at all are more likely to experience feelings of depression after an abortion. They may feel alone, isolated and afraid as they experience feelings they are unfamiliar with after the abortion. Women who have busy, stressful lives may also find that they experience great sadness and distress after the abortion. It is important for a woman to allow herself time to heal, physically and emotionally, which may mean taking some time off from school or work.

What is Normal?

While it is normal to feel emotional and experience some of the symptoms of depression – such as sadness – after an abortion, most women will recover. However, a small number of women will find that these feelings are sustained or they become more pronounced. These women may go on to develop clinical depression.

If you find that your feelings are so overwhelming that you can't seem to cope, particularly when a great deal of time has passed since your abortion, you should make an appointment to see a medical professional. You may find that counselling is helpful or your doctor may also want to put you on a short course of antidepressant therapy.

If you have previously suffered from depression, you will be at a higher risk of suffering from depression after an abortion. It will be important to take additional measures to obtain counselling and support from friends or family.

Nurturing Yourself After an Abortion

For most women, giving yourself permission to experience and express sadness and other feelings after your abortion can help you to heal. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Instead, respect and accept that you made the best decision you could under the circumstances. It is important for you to have faith that you are a good person who made a very difficult decision.

Some women also find that writing their feelings in a journal can be helpful, particularly if they don't feel comfortable speaking to someone about the experience. Sometimes, just reading about the experiences of other women who have been through an abortion can validate a woman's own feelings of depression and anxiety. It can also help you to feel less alone when you know that other women have experienced similar feelings after an abortion.

Moving Forward

Ultimately, you need to take time out to heal but try to stay aware of your feelings and see a doctor if they persist and prevent you from coping with life. With some self-care and support, most women can move past their abortion and look forward to a positive future.

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Izzy - Your Question:
Im 23 and I feel exactly the same, the feeling that I'll never truly get over my abortion.I was in a very controlling, toxic relationship when I fell pregnant. At first we were really happy but I soon started to feel trapped and my ex got more controlling and nasty. He was extremely unsupportive and I felt like I had the worst decision to make. I eventually decided an abortion would be for the best, partly because I knew the relationship was a bad one but also because I felt pressured by him. I found the experience very traumatic and emotional but of course he didn't seem to understand and even started an argument once I got home from hospital!I had an abortion at 8 weeks, it is something I never thought I'd have to go through or deal with. I have ok days and bad days. There is always like an empty pit which I wish would just disappear. It's not something you can speak about openly. My mum and close friends know but I hate talking about it, I guess because it makes it feel more real? Me and my ex broke up a few months after which I know is a good thing but I am finding the break up really hard. It's been very on and off, we both struggle to let go. We went through a lot during our relationship and I suppose it's all just very sad. With him being such an emotionally abusive person and going through such a traumatic experience I feel like my self esteem has just disappeared and I am a very anxious person now.Any advice on what to do and how to cope?x

Our Response:
Talking about it is a great step forward. We hope that just by writing this you have already made some moves towards feeling better about yourself. If you can't talk to your friends, then do seek out some internet forums or local groups near you, where you can talk to others who've been in similar positions. You'll know by reading some of these comments, that there are lots of people who have struggled like you are at the moment. There are also organisations that can help such as:
Crossways Post Abortion support
Arch Trust
British Pregnancy Advisory Service on 03457 30 40 30 (or +44 1789 508 211) can arrange post abortion counselling for you
Do also look after youself, keep socialising with friends, do some daily exercise such as a brisk outdoor walk, a dance class, gym, bike ride, swim etc. Take care, we're thinking of you and everyone else who's taken the time to post below.
OvercomeDepression - 24-Feb-17 @ 12:11 PM
Im 23 and I feel exactly the same, the feeling that I'll never truly get over my abortion. I was in a very controlling, toxic relationship when I fell pregnant. At first we were really happy but I soon started to feel trapped and my ex got more controlling and nasty. He was extremely unsupportive and I felt like I had the worst decision to make. I eventually decided an abortion would be for the best, partly because I knew the relationship was a bad one but also because I felt pressured by him. I found the experience very traumatic and emotional but of course he didn't seem to understand and even started an argument once I got home from hospital! I had an abortion at 8 weeks, it is something I never thought I'd have to go through or deal with. I have ok days and bad days. There is always like an empty pit which I wish would just disappear. It's not something you can speak about openly. My mum and close friends know but I hate talking about it, I guess because it makes it feel more real? Me and my ex broke up a few months after which I know is a good thing but i am finding the break up really hard. It's been very on and off, we both struggle to let go. We went through a lot during our relationship and I suppose it's all just very sad. With him being such an emotionally abusive person and going through such a traumatic experience I feel like my self esteem has just disappeared and I am a very anxious person now. Any advice on what to do and how to cope?x
Izzy - 21-Feb-17 @ 11:05 PM
I recentlyhad my abortionit beena week .it been so hard dealing with reality i hate myselfso much the reality that i couldn't keep my firstchild is just to much.
Nicky - 18-Feb-17 @ 8:33 PM
I ended up having an abortion at 7 weeks because I wasn't with the guy and even though we agreed to try he was very controling and in the end i got told the baby could have high risks of never walking. I went through with the first medical termination and it failed. I had to go for a scan and see the baby (one of the hardest things i have ever done) so i asked if there was possibility of it having even more higher risk due to me taking the whole course of tablets and sadly there was. So i went through the medical procedure for the second time further along (10 weeks 4 days) because of the complications and i see my baby with toes and fingers and arms and legs fully developed and it destroyed me! But i knew it was for the best! I just wish i never ended up in that situation!
Anonymous - 15-Feb-17 @ 9:27 PM
Hi I had an abortion about 4 years ago, and I just can't get over it, I want my baby back, it's the biggest regret of my life, I didn't find out until I was 4 months gone and only had about 2 weeks to decide, my partner pressured me into it, I had no support, I think about her every day, I am so depressed, I fell disgusted with myself, I feel evil, I hate myself for what I have done, I wish I could turn back time, I can't see myself ever getting over this
Neen - 28-Jan-17 @ 12:14 AM
Hi, I had my abortion a month ago on New Year's Eve, I'm 18 years old and didn't realise I could conseave as I was on the pill for 2-3 years and then went on to get the merina coil. The wan at the doctors never did a pregnancy test before the coil insertion and I found out I was pregnant after going to the hospital with a water infection, then to find I was 10 weeks and 6 days along and the coil had inserted itself in the sac with my baby. Me and my partner where told there would be a high risk of still birth or having a servely disabled child, we would have loved to keep it but there was too much risk to me and the baby. I end up having random uncontrollable crying I'm always angry with my partner and sometimes get dreams of the baby I had to give birth to.
Em - 22-Jan-17 @ 11:53 PM
I had an abortion in June I was 6 weeksand as I look back today I think about the reason I chooses to go through with it because I could have made it work. I remember the day after the abortion I laid in bed and cried saying what have I done, god please give me a redo. I have my moments some days are good and some days are bad. This one would have been my 3rd child and I regret my decision everyday. I can't talk about it to my husband because well really he can't turn back the clock. Also I don't think he will understand the empty space I feel and I can't talk to other family members because I didn't tell them I was pregnant and going for an abortion. I cry and wish I can have my baby back that God will give me a second chance to make it right. That day I lost something and didn't realize how much I wanted it until it was to late. That day part of my self died to. I fake a smile and push the hurt down just so people think I'm OK so I can keep my secret from coming out.
Myfakesmile - 11-Jan-17 @ 3:45 PM
I had termination 4 years ago still haven't got over it still cry time to time I still cry it was a hard decision I ever did my ex made me have one and that we're not together anymore and it hurts like yesterday and a death anniversary is the 5th of December for me and I was 30 years old when I have a termination been 4 years ago
Hazel - 1-Dec-16 @ 9:49 PM
Hey, so i had an abortion 4 months ago through no choice of mine i felt pressure to go ahead with the abortion because of the condition i suffered with i worried that i would harm our baby. I told my sister but she wasnt very supportive. And my mum i told just before the op as i was scared what she would say. I really feel empty and alone most of the time. Although my partner great and is always therefore me i still feel lost. Its like i go a few days not crying then one thing triggers it and i cant stop. After the abortion i didnt have any time off because i had just started a new job. Any advise or support would be great
Lish - 10-Nov-16 @ 9:58 PM
i found out I was pregnant while I was at work. I remember feeling numb for weeks afterwards and I was in such severe denial that I didn't even think about what I wanted to do with it. I was 16wks along when I finally told my boyfriend, and we both decided it would be best to have an abortion seeing as we're both in college and nowhere near financially or emotionally prepared to raise a child. I was 20wks along when I finally had the money to have the procedure done, and it's been three weeks since it happened. On the SAME DAY as my abortion, however, my cousin back home was having her baby. She went into labor the same time I was being led to the operating room. I didn't think that would effect anything at all, but the day after, my mum wanted us to visit her in the hospital and say "hi" to the new baby. It took everything I had not to break down the moment I saw her. They put her in my arms and I immediately felt this overwhelming sense of guilt because I knew that while she was bringing her beautiful daughter into the world, I was paying someone to get rid of mine. I've had nightmares every night since. The same one, actually. I'll close my eyes and I'll be right back on that table, feeling the surgeon pulling my baby apart from inside, awake, but not quite conscious. I struggle to even get out of bed in the morning, I've become so depressed. I know it'll get better eventually, and my boyfriend and I do still want kids in the future, but I don't think I'll ever be able to forget what I've done.
Laura - 6-Nov-16 @ 5:04 PM
i had an abortion two months ago. I found out i was pregnant at 4 weeks i was pretty shock because i was on the pill but was very excited . When i told my partner he was in shock and told me we couldn't keep the baby ...due to my new job,looking for an apartment at that time and we both have no family the country we live in. i was determined to keep my baby,i went to my gyn and saw my baby and heard the heartbeat (which i hear everyday ). At7 weeks i started vomiting at work. i couldn't call out at work because i just got fulltime. After constant debating i decided to do the procedure because of the situations i was against. After that day i felt like i haven't been the same . I feel so sad , everyday i hear my baby heartbeat, i can't help but look at the ultrasound, i see people with their bellies, my friends inviting me to their baby showers. I feel so EMPTY! after the procedure i was screaming asking where is my baby. i have been trying very hard not to cry. i don't speak about it with my partner because apart of him feels bad. He thinks I'm okay but I'm not . Thursday was the first time i cried since the procedure. i had a choice and apart of me regrets . i miss talking to my stomach every morning . i really don't speak to anyone about it. Nobody knows how i feel .
nat13 - 10-Oct-16 @ 3:26 AM
Sophie- Your Question:
I didn't think I could get pregnant, then I did. With a guy I knew since been 15, as soon as I told him I'm he didn't want it, and tbh neither did I, but I was completely shocked. I was so poorly and I was only 5 week throughout it, it took me 2 weeks to decide what to do, one day I did want r the next I didn't. Deep down I know I didn't. The guy was all about straight up not having it, he said he'd come to the clinic he didn't, instead I went to the first one with a friend, the second appt on my own. On the way there I was involved in a accident, it made me think, that I still wasn't ready to protect a baby when I couldn't protect myself. My mum knows and she supported me, so do my close friends. It's been 7 week since it happened, some days are good, but like today some are really bad, I looked at other kids and people and baby's and just think why are you here and what give me right to get rid of it. Deep down I know I made the right decision, but day to day life is getting hard, I don't know if I'll truly ever get over it, also doesn't help that I have anxiety and depression before all this happened.

Our Response:
Thanks for sharing your experiences Sophie. A big hug for you, take each day as it comes.
OvercomeDepression - 16-Sep-16 @ 1:01 PM
I didn't think I could get pregnant, then I did. With a guy I knew since been 15,as soon as I told him I'm he didn't want it, and tbh neither did I, but I was completely shocked. I was so poorly and I was only 5 week throughout it, it took me 2 weeks to decide what to do, one day I did want r the next I didn't. Deep down I know I didn't. The guy was all about straight up not having it, he said he'd come to the clinic he didn't, instead I went to the first one with a friend, the second appt on my own. On the way there I was involved in a accident, it made me think, that I still wasn't ready to protect a baby when I couldn't protect myself. My mum knows and she supported me, so do my close friends. It's been 7 week since it happened, some days are good, but like today some are really bad, I looked at other kids and people and baby's and just think why are you here and what give me right to get rid of it. Deep down I know I made the right decision, but day to day life is getting hard, I don't know if I'll truly ever get over it, also doesn't help that I have anxiety and depression before all this happened.
Sophie - 15-Sep-16 @ 1:16 PM
kazzy- Your Question:
I've just had an abortion I'm 42 I was 9 weeks and I want my baby back I made the worst decision of my life and I scream out to wish I could turn back time the dad didn't want to know I had no help my kids are grown up with their own lives my mum has cancer I'm in no relationship and I wldnt have much money to live on to give it the life I wanted I didn't want to do it but I thought I made the right choice I hate myself I miss the feeling inside of knowingit was there and now I feel empty Your mommy wants you back I want to wake up from this nightmare please

Our Response:
Oh Kazzy, we feel for you. Take each day at a time for now and try not to think of the "what if" scenarios. You will feel better if you can talk to someone about this; an experienced counsellor or someone else who's been in your situation. Below are some avenues to try. Take care of yourself, we're thinking of you:
Crossways - post abortion support information
Arch Trust - Abortion Recovery Care and Helpline
Call the British Pregnancy Advisory Service on 03457 30 40 30 (or +44 1789 508 211) to arrange post abortion counselling.
There may also be groups in your area where you can talk directly to others who've had similar experiences Citizens' Advice may have a list of these, or try an internet search on post abortion support plus your location.
OvercomeDepression - 13-Sep-16 @ 12:56 PM
Hello, I had my abortion in January of this year, I am 21 years old and didn't know where to turn to. When I found out I was pregnant I cried, and was full of mixed emotions one moment I was happy and the next I was sad and crying. The father (my boyfriend)is an asylum seeker in Germany and I am in the UK so there was no way of him helping and coming here. My mother is also ill and has lupus and she didn't want me to have my baby as she wanted me to continue doing my degree. I am a only child too, so don't know much about caring for a baby.So I felt there was no help around for me. I really wanted my baby. And I cry most nights and feel like I am an evil person. I don't know if I made the right decision. I am so hurt and upset all the time. It feels good writing on here and to know I am not alone. I always imagine what my baby would of looked like and whose personality he or she would have had. I can't seem to stop thinking about it.
Lellie - 12-Sep-16 @ 9:23 PM
I've just had an abortion I'm 42 I was 9 weeks and I want my baby back I made the worst decision of my life and I scream out to wish I could turn back time the dad didn't want to know I had no help my kids are grown up with their own lives my mum has cancer I'm in no relationship and I wldnt have much money to live on to give it the life I wanted I didn't want to do it but I thought I made the right choice I hate myself I miss the feeling inside of knowingit was there and now I feel empty Your mommy wants you back I want to wake up from this nightmare please
kazzy - 11-Sep-16 @ 11:24 PM
I had my first abortion at 17 it was late about 22 weeks and the dr said it would have been twins The following year I had a baby that died at 3 months old I had 2 more abortionsafter this as I had no Supportfrom my relationship. Now in my mid forties I have been through the guilt and sadness I will never Have a child and anger at the choices I felt compelled to make
Bsc - 16-Aug-16 @ 10:57 AM
LS33 - Your Question:
Hello. Iv never done anything like this before. But feel I need to express how I feel. I was 32 ( only a year ago)when I became pregnant. I also felt happy and very shocked. It was not planned but I have always wanted children and never had been pregnant before (not even close). my bf of 3 years who I'm still with was " not ready to be a dad" my mom also wasn't up for the idea. In fact the family members I did tell it seemed the most ridiculous idea for me to have a baby. ( which was the most shocking thing for me given my age) so.I thurt I was doing the best thing by everyone (no stress)and trusted my mom had her best interests for me. I decided to have an abortion at 8 weeks. The whole experience was unforgettable and was shared with both my mother and my bf their for I can only guess support and recovery. This was the day I changed as a person. The pain I deal with daily is killing me still to this day. And does not seem to go away. Its my only regret so far in life. I also wish I could go back and choice option 1) and keeping my baby. Everybody involved choses to never discuss this with me. I have tried to express how I feel and the effect its still having on my life. But it is soon swept under the carpet. Another thing which has changed is my relationship with my family. I can't seem to forgive them for making me feel disgusting for becoming pregnant and the sheer shock of the very thought of me being a mother. Nowadays consist of limited visits and watching my mom celebrating the birth of everyone else's children with big smiles. And my bf now going on lads holidays all very excited. I think I got the short straw. I ask for forgiveness everyday from my baby who I never met. ? a very dark place. Its life changing just the wrong change. Peace and love to you all.

Our Response:
Sending you a big virtual hug and hoping the resources we've included below and in our article will be of some use.
OvercomeDepression - 15-Jul-16 @ 12:09 PM
Hello. Iv never done anything like this before. But feel I need to express how I feel. I was 32 ( only a year ago)when I became pregnant. I also felt happy and very shocked. It was not planned but I have always wanted children and never had been pregnant before (not even close). my bf of 3 years who I'm still with was " not ready to be a dad" my mom also wasn't up for the idea. In fact the family members I did tell it seemed the most ridiculous idea for me to have a baby. ( which was the most shocking thing for me given my age) so...I thurt I was doing the best thing by everyone (no stress)and trusted my mom had her best interests for me. I decided to have an abortion at 8 weeks. The whole experience was unforgettable and was shared with both my mother and my bf their for I can only guess support and recovery. This was the day I changed as a person. The pain I deal with daily is killing me still to this day. And does not seem to go away. Its my only regret so far in life. I also wish I could go back and choice option 1) and keeping my baby. Everybody involved choses to never discuss this with me. I have tried to express how I feel and the effect its still having on my life. But it is soon swept under the carpet. Another thing which has changed is my relationship with my family. I can't seem to forgive them for making me feel disgusting for becoming pregnant and the sheer shock of the very thought of me being a mother. Nowadays consist of limited visits and watching my mom celebrating the birth of everyone else's children with big smiles. And my bf now going on lads holidays all very excited. I think I got the short straw. I ask for forgiveness everyday from my baby who I never met. ? a very dark place. Its life changing just the wrong change. Peace and love to you all.
LS33 - 12-Jul-16 @ 6:45 PM
Charlie- Your Question:
I had an abortion over a year ago and it's only now that I realise how upset I've been ever since with my decision. A couple of months prior I had had my drink spiked on a night out and I never wanted to think about what might have happened that night and my partner never asked me about it. On discovering I was pregnant I completely detached myself from the situation, my partner didn't want to become a father so young and I was too scared to talk about my feelings. Honestly looking back had I been certain of the father I would've loved to keep my baby. Instead I chose to have an abortion. After I switched off from everything I felt empty but didn't want to admit why. I felt dirty and guilty and worst of all I felt my partner deserved better. At the time I didn't realise I was doing any of this. My partner has since moved on and is deservedly very happy with someone else now. But I'm finding things difficult as I have no one to talk to. I do not regret my decision but I am finding it hard to come to terms with. I admire all those women out there who have remained strong and hearing about others experiences helps to make me feel less guilty and less like I am alone with my feelings, so thank you x

Our Response:
We hope others' experiences do help and please try to use some of resources we've mentioned in our responses below. Take care.
OvercomeDepression - 30-Jun-16 @ 12:25 PM
I had an abortion over a year ago and it's only now that I realise how upset I've been ever since with my decision. A couple of months prior I had had my drink spiked on a night out and i never wanted to think about what might have happened that night and my partner never asked me about it. On discovering I was pregnant I completely detached myself from the situation, my partner didn't want to become a father so young and I was too scared to talk about my feelings. Honestly looking back had I been certain of the father I would've loved to keep my baby. Instead I chose to have an abortion. After I switched off from everything I felt empty but didn't want to admit why. I felt dirty and guilty and worst of all I felt my partner deserved better. At the time I didn't realise I was doing any of this. My partner has since moved on and is deservedly very happy with someone else now. But I'm finding things difficult as I have no one to talk to. I do not regret my decision but I am finding it hard to come to terms with. I admire all those women out there who have remained strong and hearing about others experiences helps to make me feel less guilty and less like I am alone with my feelings, so thank you x
Charlie - 29-Jun-16 @ 12:56 AM
Ams - Your Question:
I had an abortion at 8 weeks. This was such a hard decision to make. My boyfriend and I knew we weren't stable enough to have a baby. Our relationship is stable, but we are just out of highschool and have set careers for our future. We initionally agreed on keeping the baby no matter what our life situation was until it all became so real. Its a huge responsibility to take on. I can't help but to think everyday what it would have been like and how many potentional memories we lost. Its something I've always dreamed of and I agree with every woman who's experienced abortion and regretted it. As a mother you're suppose to protect your child. I feel guilt/regret every day. I find myself thinking about how different things would be (for the better). I'm grateful that my boyfriend is by my side still. We both grieve on the decision we made and I hope it gets better for us. I'm sending all my prayers to the woman out there experiencing the same pain. It's been rough.

Our Response:
Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. We really hope you and your boyfriend can move on in time. Please note the help resources if you need them:
Crossways
Arch Trust
BPAS
OvercomeDepression - 23-Jun-16 @ 10:46 AM
I had an abortion at 8 weeks. This was such a hard decision to make. My boyfriend and I knew we weren't stable enough to have a baby. Our relationship is stable, but we are just out of highschool and have set careers for our future. We initionally agreed on keeping the baby no matter what our life situation was until it all became so real. Its a huge responsibility to take on. I can't help but to think everyday what it would have been like and how many potentional memories we lost. Its something I've always dreamed of and I agree with every woman who's experienced abortion and regretted it.. As a mother you're suppose to protect your child. I feel guilt/regret every day. I find myself thinking about how different things would be (for the better). I'm grateful that my boyfriend is by my side still. We both grieve on the decision we made and I hope it gets better for us. I'm sending all my prayers to the woman out there experiencing the same pain. It's been rough.
Ams - 22-Jun-16 @ 1:48 AM
I had an abortion 3 weeks ago today. I was just over 7 weeks pregnant and wanted to keep my baby. But the father of the baby didn't want the child and said that I was deluded if I wanted to keep it and that he would resent me and the baby. He hated me for wanting to ruin his life. So against my feelings I aborted my baby and now I am so empty inside. I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life. Although he didn't want me or my baby..I did and I could of been happy with my baby. I just wish I could go back in time. I am so sad. I cry all day everyday. I wonder what it would of looked like and I constantly think of the smiles and giggles I will never see and the hands I will never hold. I hate myself for doing what I have done. He doesn't even want to be with me. I have no support from anyone. I am alone almost all of the time. I feel that I ended the life of my baby who was expecting me to keep safe..I took away life. What right did I have to do that?? I don't know how I will ever get over this.
C - 28-Apr-16 @ 1:03 AM
I need advice please. I am 28 years old. I am active duty military, who is ready to get out and live a normal live. I had what was my second abortion 5 days ago. (My first pregnancy, was ectopic) I wanted more than anything in the world to keep my baby. My boyfriend at the time lost his marbles when I told him. He literally begged me to abort it because our jobs keep us moving and on other sides of the world he also as a fair amount of debt from student loans. As the weeks went on we had calmer talks and he was still convinced he could not raise a baby. Saying it would do more harm then good. At about 6.5 weeks he came to where I am stationed for what I think was only to convince me to abort, all the while I wanted nothing more then to keep it. I remember him saying one day if I kept the baby he thinks he would resent me.I was crazy about him and I wanted nothing more than to keep him in my life. I became more concerned with keeping him in my life than my feelings.LastTuesday while he was here I got the abortion. As soon as I woke up I had a pit in my stomach knowing i made the wrong decision, the stupid one for my situation.Now all I feel is regret, shame, sadness and that I don't deserve to be happy. I hate myself to the point of I can't look in the mirror without angER. I don't sleep much now, and I rarely want to be around other people.My now ex is still very much in my life we talk every hour every day over text message.He's trying to be there for me because he knows that I didn't want this. He says he can't be happy because I'm not happy. We fight constantly over the phone now because I'm so angry towards him but yet I can't seem to step away because he's the only person who knows the truth. Amd I still care very much about him. Am I wrong for talking to him every day? is he doing more harm than good? Where do I go from here? please someone tell me this will get easier.
Chippy - 27-Mar-16 @ 11:47 AM
I need advice please. I am 28 years old. I am active duty military, who is ready to get out and live a normal live. I had what was my second abortion 5 days ago. (My first pregnancy, was ectopic) I wanted more than anything in the world to keep my baby. My boyfriend at the time lost his marbles when I told him. He literally begged me to abort it because our jobs keep us moving and on other sides of the world he also as a fair amount of debt from student loans. As the weeks went on we had calmer talks and he was still convinced he could not raise a baby. Saying it would do more harm then good. At about 6.5 weeks he came to where I am stationed for what I think was only to convince me to abort, all the while I wanted nothing more then to keep it. I remember him saying one day if I kept the baby he thinks he would resent me.I was crazy about him and I wanted nothing more than to keep him in my life. I became more concerned with keeping him in my life than my feelings.LastTuesday while he was here I got the abortion. As soon as I woke up I had a pit in my stomach knowing i made the wrong decision, the stupid one for my situation.Now all I feel is regret, shame, sadness and that I don't deserve to be happy. I hate myself to the point of I can't look in the mirror without angER. I don't sleep much now, and I rarely want to be around other people.My now ex is still very much in my life we talk every hour every day over text message.He's trying to be there for me because he knows that I didn't want this. He says he can't be happy because I'm not happy. We fight constantly over the phone now because I'm so angry towards him but yet I can't seem to step away because he's the only person who knows the truth. Amd I still care very much about him. Am I wrong for talking to him every day? is he doing more harm than good? Where do I go from here? please someone tell me this will get easier.
Chippy - 27-Mar-16 @ 10:37 AM
I need advice please. I am 28 years old. I am active duty military, who is ready to get out and live a normal live. I had what was my second abortion 5 days ago. (My first pregnancy, was ectopic) I wanted more than anything in the world to keep my baby. My boyfriend at the time lost his marbles when I told him. He literally begged me to abort it because our jobs keep us moving and on other sides of the world he also as a fair amount of debt from student loans. As the weeks went on we had calmer talks and he was still convinced he could not raise a baby. Saying it would do more harm then good. At about 6.5 weeks he came to where I am stationed for what I think was only to convince me to abort, all the while I wanted nothing more then to keep it. I remember him saying one day if I kept the baby he thinks he would resent me.I was crazy about him and I wanted nothing more than to keep him in my life. I became more concerned with keeping him in my life than my feelings.LastTuesday while he was here I got the abortion. As soon as I woke up I had a pit in my stomach knowing i made the wrong decision, the stupid one for my situation.Now all I feel is regret, shame, sadness and that I don't deserve to be happy. I hate myself to the point of I can't look in the mirror without angER. I don't sleep much now, and I rarely want to be around other people.My now ex is still very much in my life we talk every hour every day over text message.He's trying to be there for me because he knows that I didn't want this. He says he can't be happy because I'm not happy. We fight constantly over the phone now because I'm so angry towards him but yet I can't seem to step away because he's the only person who knows the truth. Amd I still care very much about him. Am I wrong for talking to him every day? is he doing more harm than good? Where do I go from here? please someone tell me this will get easier.
Chippy - 27-Mar-16 @ 9:48 AM
I had an abortion 3 days ago at 5 weeks and I cry literally every single day. It was the hardest decision of my life because I wanted it so badly but I knew that I couldn't keep it. I live with my mom. I work full time, I'm in grad school and internship barely able to maintain.My bf works part time and can't even get insurance for his car. We both wanted to keep it but he kept thinking about the struggle. We're trying to move out and even that is hard, a baby would've made it harder. I was so sure that I was making the best decision and now I feel so guilty and I question it everyday. It was my first pregnancy with the man I've been in love with for 6 yearsand I couldn't even keep it. I don't know how to handle this.
Depressed - 21-Mar-16 @ 1:37 PM
Kibby - Your Question:
When I found out I was pregnant, I was happy sad. I've always wanted a child, it was my dream. That moment of happiness didn't last long though.I knew instantly that I couldn't keep it.I'm a young girl, unmarried, suffering from anxiety and depression. I had no chance of raising this baby on my own. My boyfriend would have also liked to keep the baby but he was the rationale one. He brought me back down to reality. We were not ready to have a child, the timing was all wrong.He knew how much this meant to me.I'd cry day and night at the thought of an abortion. He had to talk me round me to it. I'd constantly think about the family we could have.that first baby scan, that first kick, finding out its sex. I desperately wanted to keep it. It sickened me knowing I couldn't. If my family found out I would be disowned. I decided I had to put my desires and dreams aside, I cannot be selfish. This would hurt my family. I cannot let that happen.I blame myself for putting myself in this situation. I'm not a child, I knew what I was doing. The decision to abort will ruin me, I can already feel it happening. I know I can't prolong the abortion.the longer I leave it, the harder it will get. I just can't seem to come to terms with it.I'm aborting because I have to, not because I want to. I wonder how other's deal with the trauma. I can't seem to cope, yet nothing has happened. I dread to think how I'm going to react once its over.

Our Response:
You will be given some counselling before going ahead with an abortion - this should help you to decide what is right for you. Try and find someone who can give you support you need to either go ahead with the abortion or to keep the baby. The BPAS will talk with you about your thoughts and feelings and will focus completely on your needs and options available to you. Initially you will be seen on your own to talk about the pregnancy and about your options, which are to:
Continue the pregnancy and arrange for adoption or fostering
Continue the pregnancy and become a parent
End the pregnancy with abortion
OvercomeDepression - 16-Mar-16 @ 11:06 AM
When I found out I was pregnant, I was happy sad. I've always wanted a child, it was my dream. That moment of happiness didn't last long though...I knew instantly that I couldn't keep it. I'm a young girl, unmarried, suffering from anxiety and depression. I had no chance of raising this baby on my own. My boyfriend would have also liked to keep the baby but he was the rationale one. He brought me back down to reality. We were not ready to have a child, the timing was all wrong. He knew how much this meant to me...I'd cry day and night at the thought of an abortion. He had to talk me round me to it. I'd constantly think about the family we could have...that first baby scan, that first kick, finding out its sex. I desperately wanted to keep it. It sickened me knowing I couldn't. If my family found out I would be disowned. I decided I had to put my desires and dreams aside, I cannot be selfish. This would hurt my family. I cannot let that happen. I blame myself for putting myself in this situation. I'm not a child, I knew what I was doing. The decision to abort will ruin me, I can already feel it happening. I know I can't prolong the abortion...the longer I leave it, the harder it will get. I just can't seem to come to terms with it. I'm aborting because I have to, not because I want to. I wonder how other's deal with the trauma... I can't seem to cope, yet nothing has happened. I dread to think how I'm going to react once its over.
Kibby - 15-Mar-16 @ 3:15 PM
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