Making the decision to have an abortion can be difficult for some women while others find it a very clear and obvious choice for their specific situation. Yet, it is difficult to predict just how a woman will react to an abortion.
Even if she initially felt secure in her choice, she can still experience feelings of depression after an abortion. A smaller number of women will ultimately experience clinical depression, although within the medical community, abortion is not generally considered a cause of depression. However, this is a debated aspect of both abortion and depression.
Understanding Feelings After an Abortion
While some women report that they feel relieved after an abortion, others will struggle with sadness, guilt, anger, shame and regret. There are some circumstances that could predispose a woman to feelings of distress and depression after an abortion, although there is no clear way to predict how each woman will experience and handle her abortion.
With a woman's hormones rapidly changing back to her pre-pregnancy state, she may find that this chemical change makes her more prone to sadness. In this instance, the feelings of depression will tend to eventually pass, particularly as her hormones begin to stabilise after the abortion.
Some women who are very sensitive to the media may experience feelings of depression because they are told that they are 'evil' or 'wrong' for having the abortion. Unfortunately, this is a very real effect that can occur due to anti-abortion activists. Women who were pressured to have the abortion are also more likely to experience feelings of depression after the abortion. They will feel particularly bad because they did not want the abortion at all and they may experience heightened feelings of sadness.
Your Support Network
Women who have a weak support network or perhaps none at all are more likely to experience feelings of depression after an abortion. They may feel alone, isolated and afraid as they experience feelings they are unfamiliar with after the abortion. Women who have busy, stressful lives may also find that they experience great sadness and distress after the abortion. It is important for a woman to allow herself time to heal, physically and emotionally, which may mean taking some time off from school or work.
What is Normal?
While it is normal to feel emotional and experience some of the symptoms of depression – such as sadness – after an abortion, most women will recover. However, a small number of women will find that these feelings are sustained or they become more pronounced. These women may go on to develop clinical depression.
If you find that your feelings are so overwhelming that you can't seem to cope, particularly when a great deal of time has passed since your abortion, you should make an appointment to see a medical professional. You may find that counselling is helpful or your doctor may also want to put you on a short course of antidepressant therapy.
If you have previously suffered from depression, you will be at a higher risk of suffering from depression after an abortion. It will be important to take additional measures to obtain counselling and support from friends or family.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
Taking Care of Yourself
For most women, giving yourself permission to experience and express sadness and other feelings after your abortion can help you to heal. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Instead, respect and accept that you made the best decision you could under the circumstances. It is important for you to have faith that you are a good person who made a very difficult decision.
Some women also find that writing their feelings in a journal can be helpful, particularly if they don't feel comfortable speaking to someone about the experience. Sometimes, just reading about the experiences of other women who have been through an abortion can validate a woman's own feelings of depression and anxiety. It can also help you to feel less alone when you know that other women have experienced similar feelings after an abortion.
Finding Additional Help
Ultimately, you need to take time out to heal but try to stay aware of your feelings. With some self-care and support, most women can move past their abortion and look forward to a positive future. Here are some suggestions for where to seek help and support:
Your GP - Most GPs will know how or where to source additional help to overcome your depression whether that's referral for counselling or recommendations for alternative support and medical treatments. Read Sophie's story on the MIND website here- ARCH Trust - The Abortion Recovery Care & Helpline offers help to women, men and families to restore their lives and relationships after an abortion experience
- Crossways Pregnancy - post abortion support - An organisation supporting women and families facing the trauma of an unplanned pregnancy or pregnancy loss
- British Pregnancy Advisory Service - abortion advice and counselling
You could also try an Internet search for local post abortion support groups and forums, or bereavement support forums in your area. Citizens' Advice or your local council may also be able to direct you to groups like these.
I absolutely hate that he didn’t try harder to get me to keep our baby. I’m mad at myself for putting myself in that situation. I’m mad for not using precautionary measures. I’m mad at him for not stepping up to the plate and not being there for me during the pregnancy. I’m mad at him for saying that he was gonna be there for me if I decided to get an abortion. I’m mad at him for agreeing to getting an abortion then turning his back on me. I’m just angry and bitter and I feel like it’s consuming me. I’m angry with his mother and him for judging me for the same thing she has done. I pray to God that I can accept my decision and that He forgives me.
Buy twice I have given up a child. Because of who I was with because he never felt it was right, because we already had a son and because he never believed one of them was his. The most ridiculous excuses I'd ever heard... But because I loved him... I did it.
I lost our other 2 children because I loved the father who made them.
Sounds ridiculous right?
He pressured...me, made me feel like it was the only option.
Then when the first was done.... I cried until there was no other tear left to cry.
My baby had hands, eyes, a body.
Although I was the mother to a now 11 mother old.. I felt like no mother at all. I felt the most disgusting human being on the earth. I would never forgive myself... I never will. But I have to deal with it.
Then I fell pregnant for the 3rd time.
This time he never believed it was his?
Some excuse? I don't know?
But because I loved him, and had been for the past 6 years, it was the same answer as before...
"we can't keep it"
For about a month I stood up for myself... I told him no, I'm not doing that again.
A month.
A month that lasted.
I was about 16 weeks when I gave birth to my boy.
It was a boy.
I never named him.
Just like the first.
I thought it might hurt me even more.
But Judy's because they don't have names, doesn't mean I don't love them. I think about them every single day of my ongoing life.
I think about the life I took from them. Because I didn't feel that both parents wanted them.
Every single second, minute, hour, day, week, month and year I remember them. I think about them. Both. And how much my son would of loved 2 other siblings. He's now 3. And the only person on this earth who keeps me going.
Please....if there's other mums, girls, anybody... Talk to me... Leave a message. X
Week ago today. Feeling very emotional ?? and anxious ?? got to go back to Hospital in 3 days for ultrasound make sure everything came away. So scary right now
We both come from broken families and agreed that we wouldn't want to bring another child up cimular to oyr upbringings and the 2 younger children plus our house is the size of a shoe box and only just manages the 4 of us every other weekend!
I really regret our decision to abort the pregnancy and I think about what if every day.
I think that's why I'm counting the weeks I should be 16 weeks pregnant and excited not 10 weeks after abortion and feeling like why am I still here!
The abortion was awful never felt so alone my partner couldn't be with me at any step of the way during the procedure. Not like an operation at hospital were there is someone waiting for you when you get back to the ward. I can not describe how low the clinic makes you feel about something that happens all the time! As they do put the statistics on the leaflets.
Will I ever stop hating myself for doing this?? Because I can not move on and think about what happend every day. Would things be different if I was 16 weeks pregnant like I should be?
It was a medical one at 7 weeks and the minute I took the pills I regretted it. We just weren't ready and did not have a strong support network round us and my family were struggling with other things also.
Me and my boyfriend were together 3 years and still are but I have severe depression and anxiety and I cannot seem to move on. I hate my self every single day and now feel I do not deserve children and do not think I'm ever going to be able to get over it. I resent my boyfriend as just wish he had said once let's keep it we will cope. A choice I cannot take back and will never forgive myself for. I can never bring myself to tell anyone about it either only me and my bf knows.
I was in a very controlling, toxic relationship when I fell pregnant. At first we were really happy but I soon started to feel trapped and my ex got more controlling and nasty. He was extremely unsupportive and I felt like I had the worst decision to make. I eventually decided an abortion would be for the best, partly because I knew the relationship was a bad one but also because I felt pressured by him. I found the experience very traumatic and emotional but of course he didn't seem to understand and even started an argument once I got home from hospital!
I had an abortion at 8 weeks, it is something I never thought I'd have to go through or deal with. I have ok days and bad days. There is always like an empty pit which I wish would just disappear. It's not something you can speak about openly. My mum and close friends know but I hate talking about it, I guess because it makes it feel more real? Me and my ex broke up a few months after which I know is a good thing but i am finding the break up really hard. It's been very on and off, we both struggle to let go. We went through a lot during our relationship and I suppose it's all just very sad. With him being such an emotionally abusive person and going through such a traumatic experience I feel like my self esteem has just disappeared and I am a very anxious person now.
Any advice on what to do and how to cope?x
I went through with the first medical termination and it failed. I had to go for a scan and see the baby (one of the hardest things i have ever done) so i asked if there was possibility of it having even more higher risk due to me taking the whole course of tablets and sadly there was.
So i went through the medical procedure for the second time further along (10 weeks 4 days) because of the complications and i see my baby with toes and fingers and arms and legs fully developed and it destroyed me! But i knew it was for the best! I just wish i never ended up in that situation!
I had an abortion about 4 years ago, and I just can't get over it, I want my baby back, it's the biggest regret of my life, I didn't find out until I was 4 months gone and only had about 2 weeks to decide, my partner pressured me into it, I had no support, I think about her every day, I am so depressed, I fell disgusted with myself, I feel evil, I hate myself for what I have done, I wish I could turn back time, I can't see myself ever getting over this
The following year I had a baby that died at 3 months old I had 2 more abortions after this as I had no
Support from my relationship. Now in my mid forties I have been through the guilt and sadness I will never
Have a child and anger at the choices I felt compelled to make
I am 28 years old. I am active duty military, who is ready to get out and live a normal live.
I had what was my second abortion 5 days ago. (My first pregnancy, was ectopic)
I wanted more than anything in the world to keep my baby. My boyfriend at the time lost his marbles when I told him. He literally begged me to abort it because our jobs keep us moving and on other sides of the world he also as a fair amount of debt from student loans.
As the weeks went on we had calmer talks and he was still convinced he could not raise a baby. Saying it would do more harm then good. At about 6.5 weeks he came to where I am stationed for what I think was only to convince me to abort, all the while I wanted nothing more then to keep it. I remember him saying one day if I kept the baby he thinks he would resent me. I was crazy about him and I wanted nothing more than to keep him in my life. I became more concerned with keeping him in my life than my feelings. Last Tuesday while he was here I got the abortion. As soon as I woke up I had a pit in my stomach knowing i made the wrong decision, the stupid one for my situation. Now all I feel is regret, shame, sadness and that I don't deserve to be happy. I hate myself to the point of I can't look in the mirror without angER. I don't sleep much now, and I rarely want to be around other people. My now ex is still very much in my life we talk every hour every day over text message. He's trying to be there for me because he knows that I didn't want this. He says he can't be happy because I'm not happy. We fight constantly over the phone now because I'm so angry towards him but yet I can't seem to step away because he's the only person who knows the truth. Amd I still care very much about him. Am I wrong for talking to him every day? is he doing more harm than good? Where do I go from here? please someone tell me this will get easier.
I'm a young girl, unmarried, suffering from anxiety and depression. I had no chance of raising this baby on my own. My boyfriend would have also liked to keep the baby but he was the rationale one. He brought me back down to reality. We were not ready to have a child, the timing was all wrong.
He knew how much this meant to me...I'd cry day and night at the thought of an abortion. He had to talk me round me to it. I'd constantly think about the family we could have...that first baby scan, that first kick, finding out its sex. I desperately wanted to keep it. It sickened me knowing I couldn't. If my family found out I would be disowned. I decided I had to put my desires and dreams aside, I cannot be selfish. This would hurt my family. I cannot let that happen.
I blame myself for putting myself in this situation. I'm not a child, I knew what I was doing. The decision to abort will ruin me, I can already feel it happening. I know I can't prolong the abortion...the longer I leave it, the harder it will get. I just can't seem to come to terms with it.
I'm aborting because I have to, not because I want to. I wonder how other's deal with the trauma... I can't seem to cope, yet nothing has happened. I dread to think how I'm going to react once its over.
Having already raised 3 children on my own and considering my age i decided i couldnt possibly go ahead with this pregnancy and chose to have a medical abortion.
3 months down the line he still hasnt even asked me how it went, no one else knows about this and i feel like im going mad! I walk into work each day with a smile on my face while on the inside i feel like im dying. I know i couldnt have coped with this child so why do i feel so depressed about the whole thing? I just wish i had someone i could talk to and cry with. Please tell me things will get easier?
My child would have turned one year old this February. I aborted at 5 weeks.
My ex boyfriend and I are older. He told me I lied about being pregnant, even after telling me he wanted to have a child...he kept yelling It wasn't his child.
I realized too late, hes not right mentally and I could not imagine raising another child on my own especially with a man who calls me a liar and disrespects me.. Nor could I allow such a negative, abusive force to be in my childs life. I hate my decision, daily and think about what might have been with my baby. But I know I made the absolute right decision.
I pray every woman on here receives the self forgiveness and healing she deserves.
The only people who supported me keeping it were my boyfriend's family. They were so happy. I don't have a great job ($10/hr), and my boyfriend is going to school so he isn't currently working. His mom said we could move in with her but I felt so trapped, like a caged animal. I became increasingly depressed and so sick I couldn't eat anything and would vomit bile. Eating was torture. I was so shocked at first, but I became excited and would tell my boyfriend every night "We're having a baby!". Reality started to hit and I thought we couldn't do it--there was no way we'd be able to afford it and I didn't have healthcare. I vented to a friend about relationship problems and said I wanted to leave my boyfriend, and she told him. After that, any excitement we felt diminished. I still loved him and wanted to be with him but I just wanted to vent to my "friend". Once he felt I was going to leave him he became extremely unhappy. I came home from work one night after contemplating and I told him "I think we can do it, I want to keep it", and he said he was prepared for an abortion instead.
I went ahead with it. I hate myself so much. I hate my "friend" because if she hadn't said anything he never would have wanted me to have an abortion. I feel like there's so much blame to go around but the only truly guilty party is myself. I will never forgive myself for what I've done.
I can't look at children anymore. My boyfriend regrets it as well. I cry every day for hours. I can't sleep. I couldn't eat. The only thing that made me feel marginally better is my boyfriend said we can try again in the future when we get our lives together. It only eases the pain a little because how dare I think about having another child when I so obviously do not deserve one? Everything is so painful. Fitting into my pre-pregnancy jeans, watching my belly go down, bleeding the remnants of what should have kept my child alive.
I just want to go back, more than anything. I can never tell my baby I'm sorry. I can never be forgiven. I want to die but I don't even deserve that. It's horrible, but I am obsessing over getting pregnant again, even though my situation hasn't changed. I don't want another baby. I want the one I robbed myself of. I will never get it back and I can't come to terms with it.
I sit by myself and cry and say I'm so sorry over and over again, hoping somehow my baby can hear me.
I feel destroyed.
A week ago I had my second abortion.
4 years ago at 14 weeks & having been with my partner for 6 months, at 23 I was forced into having a termination after swearing I would never do it myself (though being pro choice for others)
I went into melt down, Id already been told I was being made redundant along with my partner & the rest of our office: my partner told me he would leave if I did have the baby but if I didnt have it that he would spend the rest of our lives making it up to me.
Well he left as soon as we got our redundancy money.
I went into a severe depression & ended up with 5 blood clots for no reason also.
This time Im 27 & my partner didnt exactly force me but I feel like he wasnt aware of what this would do to me, I am falling apart inside & am terrified.
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